Sunday, February 26

emotional intelligence

My husband and I are at the library because he has to research emotional intelligence.
I would rather be at a coffee shop sipping coffee and pretending to study. Actually, I usually get a lot done at coffee shops. It is a little too quiet at the library and I get distracted here. Or, maybe I am distracted because I brought my laptop:) I googled emotional intelligence and this is what I found:

Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, learn from, manage and understand emotions.

Sounds like an interesting topic for an engineering class:)

I am growing tomato plants. I started the seeds around two weeks ago. It amazes me how fast they grow. This afternoon I am going to have to transplant them into larger containers. I can't wait until I my first tomato is ready for me to pick. I love tomatos!!!

We went to church this morning and the text was Hebrews 11. Pastor Bob talked about faith and what it takes. He told us that he has a love/hate relationship with faith. He loves the outcome, but hates the process. I totally understand!! I think that God made it that way on purpose, though. If we didn't have to go through the hard part of trusting in things unseen then when things happended as a result we would not appreciate them as much. If God had allowed Sarah to become pregnant sooner then she and Abraham might not have recognized it as God's hand, but take for granted that they were a young couple of childbearing age.

Faith. What does God want to teach me about it? When I think about faith I think over the last year and a half. A lot of very life changing things happend over that period of time for me. September 2004 My husband and I found out that we were going to become parents. That was a huge shock to us!! We wanted to have kids down the road, but not until he finished school. We thought that we had the birth control thing under control. So the next month was crazy, trying to adjust to this new responsibility. We had decided that we were not going to tell anyone for a while, partly because we were still adjusting to the idea and partly becasue we did not want to hear the "wow, that was fast" or "I thought you were going to wait", responses. Like we did it on purpose, people! But we knew that God had a purpose for that little life.

The next appointment we had they said that the fetus wasn't as big as they thought it would be, but I wasn't worried because I am very irregular. So we went back two weeks later and it had definetly died. The doctor told us that we had two options: I could wait it out and let my body "abort" the fetus, or I could go in and have a procedure to clean everything out. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do right then, but the doctor assured me that I would have some time to decide. It can take the body up to three months to miscarry. Turned out that my body would make the choice for me. October 10, 2004 I miscarried. That was the most horrible, painful experience of my life. I had been told that it would be just like a bad period. Ha! I basically went into labor. I had contractions and the whole bit. After about four hours of contractions, throwing up, emotional pain and yelling I had no more energy and could not go on. Scott took me to the ER and well, that is a whole other story.

I walked around stunned for a few days, wondering what God was trying to teach me.
I didn't understand how or why we concived in the first place, and I really didn't understand why we lost the baby. I don't think that I ever will, but I do know that God is good. He has plans to prosper and protect me. He is working out all things for my good. He loves me so much that He would send His only son to die for me so that I might have eternal life. What an awesome God I serve!!!

I sometimes wonder if God allows those things to happen in our lives just so that we will trust Him. I could just be angry and turn my back on God, but what good would that do me? I have instead, chosen to run to Him. To cling to His promises. He loves me more that I can comprehend. This experience has strenghtened my relationship with my husband. It has also allowed me to share in the pain with friends that have gone through a miscarriage. It has allowed me to get close to people that I probably would never have gotten close to. Thank you Lord for bringing trials into my life so that I will be able to trust you more.

Saturday, February 25

a year ago

A year ago today was the last day that I spent with my grandma. She passed away the next morning around 2am. My dad, mom, uncle and I were all with her when she took her last breath. It was an experience that I will never forget. My grandma was 95 years old when she went to be with her savior.

As we were preparing for her funeral I was looking through a trunk that had her things in it. I found some poems that she had written. Those poems were such gifts to us. One of then was perfect for the funeral program.

I Thank Thee by Mabel Austin

I thank Thee, Lord, that I may be
A servant unto Thee.
I'll serve with never titing hands
The One who died for me.

And as I rise to greet each day,
I will my Master seek
And pray that He will choose my tasks
And direct my erring feet.

To do His bidding without fail
And from sinful acts refrain
But pledge my life to His desires
To help His kingdom reign.

And oh how great will be my pay
If when beyond these earthly tasks
I'm privileged still to serve my Lord
When Zion dawns at last.

Isn't life crazy? I have often found my self wondering what the meaning of life is during the last year and a half. It seems so crazy that I am here, doing my thing while other people are at the end or just starting their lives. I am excited that God has me here right now, because I know that it is His perfect timing. It is awesome to know that He is using my life for His glory and that He used my grandma's life for His glory as well. I feel blessed to have such an awesome legacy. I only hope that I can live up to the standard that my grandma set. She was such an amazing woman.

I know that this subject doesn't really go with the title of my blog, but it is what is currently on my heart. I promise that I will have happy posts soon:)